I've been beating the crap out of myself lately, physically and mentally. My kitchen renovation project has suffered from scope creep that has lead to it basically doubling my expected budget. All day house construction work on the weekends (and a whole week of it 2 weeks ago) means no relaxing or decompression time from work. Which isn't good b/c work is no walk in the park right now. I had to let some people on my team go, and another has left due to life circumstances...all at a time where the project pipeline is busting at the seams to meet super aggressive goals. (Why did it just take me 3 tries to spell aggressive correctly?) Anyway, this isn't a pity party for myself, I'm just painting a picture of a stressed out Joey. But I make it worse because I berate myself non stop for not training. I mean, what can be better than a self inflicted guilt trip when life is already testing your stress limits. I was reaching a breaking point and those around me could tell.
Tonight I came home from work and did the 2 things I really enjoy doing. I mowed my lawn at 7:30pm while smoking a nice cigar. Did I ever tell you I am the self proclaimed Tri State Lawn Jockey champion from 1991 through 1993? I'm surgical with that machine! Then I laced up my shoes (which still had the timing chip on them from the marathon) and went for a night run. A nice easy run down dark, desolate, heavily wooded back roads. I remember I used to scare myself out on those spooky roads at night, but fear is not an emotion you feel when you just don't care anymore. When I say I don't care anymore, what I mean is I am at point where my reaction to everything is a dejected "whatever". I'll snap out of it eventually, but what good is having highs in life if you can't contrast them against some lows. And right now I'm rummaging around at the bottom looking for the ladder back up. Perhaps tonight was the first rung up.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Nice post Joe, pretty much sums up the lives of many amateur athletes who work full-time for a living. We don't get "training days". It's always hardest to get through the first transition, T-zero, changing from life clothing to training duds. I'm glad you realized that going for an also-time-consuming run was worth it for the stress relief we get from training.
Once the kitchen build (you make it sound small by using "project") is under control, I look forward to watching you ride away from me once again.
-Rooney
Keep the goals in sight Joey. Life has a way of pulling you under water when you are treading for your life to stay afloat. I am just as hard on myself and put myself through some major guilt trips, but with age have learned to take time to do things you enjoy most. If that is smoking a cigar and mowing your lawn (I love doing yard work when I am stressed) or even doing a short run or bike then go for it. It will if nothing else do wonders for you mentally. We are waiting for Jo Jo's return!
Les
Post a Comment